Complete Control

I my dreams I have complete control over what happens. If someone does something that I don't want them too I simply rewind the dream and prest-o magic-o I have myself a new ending to the story. I'm actually going to say that that is the case in MOST of my dreams, every now and again I get a dream where I can't control, these are RARE. Think one every two years or so. Well, these dreams have very strange...results in my life.

You see most of the time I feel like I am at least moderatly in control of the world around me, I can judge people well enough that if they don't act the way I want them too, I can at least perdict how they are going to act. That gives me a sense of being in control. However, when these dreams come around they are usually followed by periods of intense inability to think straight, to perdict the world around me, or remember things that I should be able to remember. Which in turn makes me feel even more powerless(strange terms we have there), and more on edge.

So, as I slowly circle around in this spiraling vortex of doom I wonder to myself if I will ever accomplish anything that will get me out, if I will ever be in control again?

That's when I turn and rest more heavily upon God. I need him to get me out of this, and he is there to help me when I need it.

On a side note, as I was walking into the WSC today I thought to myself, "I wonder if John is going to be in there today." Not really thinking--John, you see, is my cousin that died just before school ended last semester--but then as I waited to hear his laugh, I sat near an old friend. She had been in his ward when he died, and she brought him up, and then his almost fiancee sat down next to me. I wondered if she remembered me, if she realized that by coming to lunch today she would be reminded of the things that could have meant so much.

And as I sat and wondered, another old friend from HS came and talking to him, I discovered that... Indeed he was a father. Not JUST married, but a father. I felt old, I felt really old. So I am going to do the only rational thing a person in my position can do. I'm going to go for a nice long walk and then I'm going to go buy some ice cream and I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat almost all of it, and while I'm at it I might just buy some Cinimon Bears and chocolate milk. Maybe some chocolate. Because nothing says, You're in control of life like consuming mass amounts of sugar.

-Asmond