Purposes Advanced

Well, at the request of my good bishop I've decided to start writing in this a bit more often. It's strange to think how many people read this but at the same time it is a good outlet into the life I am.

Thinking about it, a question on Blue Beta comes to mind about diaries, I don't really concern myself with other people's diaries and don't really care if they read mine. And the evidence of that lies in this--this blog. This is my diary. Today was one filled with...amazement.

Lately I've been really feeling --for the first time in a long, long time-- as though God had deserted me. I've felt bereft of the Spirit and the guiding light he gives. This has been evidenced only too closely as I've tried to give guidance to my friends in their spiritual and emotional woes. I just didn't have the words to say, and that more than anything else has been putting me on an edge which I cannot abide. And so, today I went and I talked to my new Bishop. I've had the unfortunate chance of getting to know several bishop's fairly well. And they always amaze me by the clarity of their wisdom. Truly they are inspired men who are sent here by a loving Father to help us pass through these troubled waters and come across the mountain deep--the conqueror of trial and sorrow.

Today I read my scriptures, I said a prayer I made steps to form a pattern of life where those things would be come regular parts of my existence. And to that end: I was able to give decent advice for the first time in weeks. It wasn't as good as it used to be, it wasn't as easy or clear as it used to come, but it came. Oh the joy that fills the soul to know that he has been the vessel of the Lord in delivering the Love of the Father to one of his precious children. The interesting thing was that the person to whom I was giving the advice was someone who I previously had little to no emotional attachment. Yet as we talked, I discovered an empathy and desire for his welfare that never had existed before. I can see through the shroud of fear and pain and darkness that has clouded my mind for so long and for the first time in...well as far as I can remember I see the joy that can come from being selflessly devoted to the welfare of others. I desire above all else to be happy, but these last few hours I've decided that I have a desire almost as strong--one which is almost entirely complimentary to the desire to be happy--the desire to see those around me happy as well.

I've been reading Les Mis(or my brick as my roomies affectionatly call it)--which is such a great book--and the theme seems to be an overarching benefit to those whose lives are lived in the service and welfare of the common man. Not for the general masses but to the individual whom needs soo much and asks for so little. There are desperate cries all around us now, the cries which we all silently scream into the night, the desperation of loneliness, the anger of betrayal, the black wave of hopelessness all surge outward waiting for a receptive ear to lend it's time, a shoulder to cry upon, and a hand to lift up. I wonder how one can attune the ear to hear those cries to see behind the facade which we all bear and seek the depths of pain and suffering where the mere presence of another is the Gilead balm needed. To have someone there to bear your sorrow with you--what more could the suffer want?

Perhaps that is the true reason for the Atonement, so that there might be someone beside us, lifting the load when we are too weary to press on alone. I like that thought. I like it a lot. For the first time I see how faith in the savior can be such a reassuring thing. Because life only has meaning when there is someone there to share it with.