Well, my last day of work was yesterday.

>> Saturday, August 27, 2005

This is going to be more of a cataloge of events than my normal entries, so forgive me.

I've moved back to Utah, moved in with Bawb and Smurfs and two other blokes that aren't bad, although I'm not sure I trust one of them, he went to bed before midnight on a Friday night...weird. Okay so the travelog.

Tuesday:

Smurfs slept over at my house and we woke up bright and kind of early (he woke up sometime around noon), and we went about attempting to find his money so that we could get an appartment. Trie dto find TO so that we could locate his pay checks, after hitting up wiggle's and then attempting to find him at his place of occupation--until Wiggle told us that he went to SLC. Then I went to a meeting at my work, and came back to get Smurfs from the Provo Library, stopping to talk to my Mom for a bit. Then I came home, and the group of us went to watch Fantastic Four. An excellent film, not hurt in the least by Jennifer Alba having to strip several times during the movie--events to be eclipsed only by her powers failing in said almost nued state.

Wednesday:

The day began at my new appartment, and--having forgotten my pillow--with a very sore back. It proceeded as I refused to accept my Boss' calls, read Eragon and chatted back and forth with Bawb What a neat kid and Smurfs--Something I have a feeling that I'm going to be doing a lot of the next few months. After that I went to my older sisters' birthday party. Where I got to see Batman Begins an excellent film. I am quite pleased at this trend toward comic books, I'd perfer more along the fantasy line of things but this is just about as close up my ally as I think I'll get and it pleases me greatly. Came home and went to IHOP with Bawb and TO, where we had the conversation about guilt.

Something I've actually been struggling with, it's strange how perception changes everything, I mean, for me, I want more than anything to be able to feel some guilt about the things that I've done so that I can repent, I want to feel some that regret so that I might be able to cast aside the thorny vestments I've been toiling under for the summer. And it has happened although I doubt I can say that the guilt or shame has caused it, but rather simply being around people with higher moral standards people who are struggling to come to grips with religion and who talk about it frequently.

The night ended with a somewhat polite refusal, on the part of our waitress, when asked for her phone number.

Thursday:

Read some Eldest, then headed up to my Boss' house to grab some equipment before heading up to Tooele to work. While enroute, somewhere along Highway 80, (exit 114 to be exact) a four and a half foot trailor hitch decided it would be a good idea to come off of the vehical in front of me, and, bouncing along the the bottom of my vehicle lodged about a foot into the back of my passenger side floor.

Car = Totaled

And thus, yesterday was the last day of work. I came home, cleaned, re-arragined the front room and watched TV with the roomies, yeah, that day stunk.

Friday:

Sat in appartment almost all day, went and looked for a job. Stopped by the BYU library and got some things ready for the party tonight. then came home, dinked around for a few hours decided to go get some dinner and then watched Herbie: Fully Loaded. Only worth the ticket because it was 1.50 and I got to see Lindsey Lohan.

And that ends the time that I have for this post, best of all to all.

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Home...

>> Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Well, it has finally happened, I am home from the summer.

What do I say about this summer? What do I say about today? Smurfs is upstairs sleeping on the bunk above my bed, yesterday Bawb said that the two of us could possibly move into his appartment as he thought that there were openings. I'm kinda excited about that, Bawb has favorably impressed me the few times that I've come in contact with him.

School is starting, and I still have to work a bit...but life is still going well. It has been a strange last little bit. I have felt very... aloof from the world. Very much the stranger looking in. It is good to be back among people who actually care about me again. Even if I haven't yet had the chance to talk to them all. That's a good feeling that, knowing that there are more than I can talk to in a few hours.

Last night I showed up late to a party thrown by Wiggle. Quite fun, and she said she needed to get back in the party throwing mood, psht. I am so increadibly impressed by these people, they are simply great, even if I did act the Jester. My self-proclaimed assignement in any group these days. I wonder how many people out there are just as amazed as I am that their friends actually care to call them friend. I mean, these are really exceptional people and I can't for the life of me assume what they see in me that causes them to desire my friendship. Or at least tolerate it when it is thrust upon them...

Another interesting thing happened last night, The Ringbearer, happens to be in my Sisters' ward and I'd met him a few time under a different guise. Always fun when the world of reality and the networld clash in such a way. What would have happened had I not listened in when Duchess' cousin told his now wife about the board... How my life would have been different.

All is well that end's well, but I must needs to wake up Smurfer so that we can go get some things done before I need to work today...Seeya'll.

-Asmond

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It's been awhile

>> Monday, August 08, 2005

So, I figured I'd stop in and write a little bit...for you know those of you who actually read this on a regular basis and care.

Well, where to start...

Life is going alright, I have been doing a lot of soul searching the past little bit, trying to figure out who exactly I want to be and figuring out what I need to do to get from here to there. I'm not sure if I've come to any actual conclusions yet. I'm working on it though. I absolutely hate this feeling of not knowing. I guess I'm handling everything alright...

You see, about two weeks ago I decided to do a little bit of an experiment. I stopped taking my medication. I want to see how I react to this sudden, 'all natural' Asmond. There have been some adjustments to be made, trials that I continue to fight against. But all in all, I think I'm doing alright, no suicidal thoughts, I can put down the fantasy and taking up reality do the things I need to do. I have noticed I've become a bit more cynical and snappish...which I'm not all that fond of, but again, I'm working on it.

So, for those of you who care, that's why I've been different the past few days. It's all just a matter of finding out who you really are I guess.

I keep wondering who I am, what are my desires. I think the biggest 'trial' I have in life is that I don't know how to change my desires.

I'm also coming to view religion in a new way, not really sure how to describe it and certainly different in perspective, although outside appearances may not change much. I must think upon it more...

-Asmond

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