To the quick

Someone just said something that hurt me. It hurt me alot. I'm not sure how this person managed to get inside my head so well as to break that wall of self-assurance which I give to the outside world, but they did, they managed it and I despise them for it. No, that's too strong, I hate myself for being what they accused me of being. And that is what hurts the most. Not because of who said it or how they said it, merely that it is true.

It's hard to confront those aspects of yourself which you don't like, to see them and have them so openly mocked and barraged with attention. They become painful sores on the concious, open wounds into which any causual passer-by may rub salt.

It is something that I will attempt to fix, but it's not easy, I don't want to do it, I don't want to change, to give up this aspect of myself, it is a defense which I have used far too long to openly cast aside in favor of more gentle friends. There was a quote that one of my Zone leaders required I memorize:

"I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him?"

How I wish I could take the easy road.

-Cameron