Post 70

Well, I'm doing better than one a week.

I've been meaning to write this blog for a few days now. You see, the day after I wrote the last a thought occurred to me--I realized that I my problem extends to many fields. Friendship, video games, even my mission. I will now attempt to write out my thoughts on this matter, as they happened.

"I don't finish things. All of my relationships have just kind of pattered out. I rarely finish video games, and my mission." "Ahh, but you finished your mission." "Sure I did, that's why everyone asked me why I was home in November if I hadn't left until February." "That was one girl, and you finished your mission." "I know I tried to finish it, I know that when President called me up and asked how I felt bout going home I prayed, I know he prayed, I know I was released honorably. But I still only served 21 months."

"That doesn't matter, do you remember how you felt?" "Yes."

And I did. I remembered how I felt that day in the temple as I pleaded with the Lord to give me assurance that this was the right thing to do, that I wasn't just giving in because things had gotten too hard. I remember everything about that moment, where I sat, where I looked, who I saw, how I felt.

I don't know how to describe how I felt that day, words fail me, images fail me, only the triple bond of thought, picture and words can come close to describing that moment. But I can't share the last two with you, I can only give you the words. Let me try: Peaceful, light, fuzzy, warm, loved, loving, encircled, amazed, happy, somber, exuberant, full, jubilant, forgiven, bursting, awed, expanded, worthy, worthwhile. So many more, so much more.

I found a reason, a reason to change, and the reason was you.

It was that feeling, I want it with me all the time, I want to be like that all the time. I've only had it a few times now, once in my room late at night. Another in the temple looking into eternity. Another time, in the temple listening to it.

There is a quote, I'm fairly sure it's by Joseph Smith...but I could be wrong that says something along the lines of, "There is nothing that can change a man so much as the pure inspiration of the spirit resting up on him. Such moments cannot be forgotten, for they are spirit communicating with spirit." Those moments, those glimpses into eternity(I hate to use the word again...but what would work better, heaven? The Celestial Kingdom? God's heart?) they change lives, they are the reason to improve the reason to change, to act.

I count myself lucky that I have such moments to draw upon, and since that night I have often thought to myself when tempted: "Do you want to feel like you have the past year or like those moments?" And it becomes easier to make the right choice.

I think I finally have something to look forward too, I finally have some goal in life. I want that, I want it and I want to let everyone else have some of it as well. Not because of any love that I have for you all now...but for the love that I would have for you then...I know I could never live with myself there if I didn't share now.

A strange thread of logic, but it works in my head.

I pray that the people who read this will have had one if not more of these moments,remember them, hold them close and strive to seek more. Do what must needs be done to give them to you. They are worth any price.

-Cameron