Maybe not

Maybe I cannot be Asmond anymore.
Maybe I was meant to be crooked nose.

You see I was doing some research into name meanings, and I discovered that Asmond is probably a mutation of a word that means "Devine Protector." Which as SHE once told me, is the goal that I want to have in life. I want to save everyone from the pain that they feel. I want to save everyone else, but I can't seem to save myself. I'm stuck being crooked nose for the rest of my life. I cannot be Asmond beyond the realm of the digits that make up the electronic world. So I'm forced to live with crooked nose.

What does that mean? Well, it means that maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am, maybe I'm not as good at helping people as I need to be, maybe I'm not as wise as I should be, maybe I'm not as _____ fill in the blank with attribute of godliness as I need to be.

As I need to be...what the Hades does that mean? What do I think I am? What do I need to be? Do I need to be superman? Is that what God needs me to be? Does God need me to be anything? No. Is it what God wants me to be? I'm not sure. I don't think he wants me to be Clark Kent, that I know for sure. But Superman? Does he want me to be superman?

Can I BE superman? Can I be Asmond? Can I be good enough for anyone to want to be around me? Does anyone want to be around Superman? Too many questions, too many things that I just haven't figured out just yet. Am I supposed to have them figured out? Maybe not. Maybe I'm just here to be Crooked Nose, to let Alexander have his part and Crooked Nose his. Maybe, maybe not.

-Asmond