It's been awhile
>> Monday, August 08, 2005
So, I figured I'd stop in and write a little bit...for you know those of you who actually read this on a regular basis and care.
Well, where to start...
Life is going alright, I have been doing a lot of soul searching the past little bit, trying to figure out who exactly I want to be and figuring out what I need to do to get from here to there. I'm not sure if I've come to any actual conclusions yet. I'm working on it though. I absolutely hate this feeling of not knowing. I guess I'm handling everything alright...
You see, about two weeks ago I decided to do a little bit of an experiment. I stopped taking my medication. I want to see how I react to this sudden, 'all natural' Asmond. There have been some adjustments to be made, trials that I continue to fight against. But all in all, I think I'm doing alright, no suicidal thoughts, I can put down the fantasy and taking up reality do the things I need to do. I have noticed I've become a bit more cynical and snappish...which I'm not all that fond of, but again, I'm working on it.
So, for those of you who care, that's why I've been different the past few days. It's all just a matter of finding out who you really are I guess.
I keep wondering who I am, what are my desires. I think the biggest 'trial' I have in life is that I don't know how to change my desires.
I'm also coming to view religion in a new way, not really sure how to describe it and certainly different in perspective, although outside appearances may not change much. I must think upon it more...
-Asmond
4 comments:
Well, I just want you to know that no matter who you choose to be or how you change you'll always have friends.
I just want you to know that I'm one of those who care how you're doing and what you become, but also know that I'm not worried. You're a good kid and I know you'll make the right decisions.
Can't wait for you to get back again bro.
Jiger
asmond, I think once you figure out what type of person you want to be, you'll know where to go, and you won't feel like you're in this limbo land (I understand that).
But until then, you're great! and I didn't even notice anything too different when I talked to you the other day, little sarcastic, but that's nothing I'm not used to ;) You'll do great things in life Asmond, no matter what you decide to become, we'll both be famous author together!
I hope your journey to finding your self is going well. It's kind of creepy how you and I seem to going through some of the same things this summer. I look forward to your return. Until then keep your chin up.~
It's a shame I won't be seeing you before I go to Brazil. Perhaps afterward, but I'm doubtful. I'm disappointed I didn't get to know you better. Asmond, you are genuine; that's what I like about you. You are you, without a front, and more people should be like that.
When it comes to finding oneself, I'm of the opinion you have to know where to look. I think people should find God before they find themselves. When He is found, self is found just a moment later. You're goals, your life, yourself are all more easily defined. I had a big "finding God and then myself" era the last little bit I was in Provo. Good thing too, because now I'm going to Brazil. Ahh! Hope all is well and wish you the best.
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