MARRIAGE? WHAT?

Well, here goes a very large amount of making Asmond look silly.

I did one of those, "First, Last, Current." type deal-i-os the other day, and here are some of the questions: First girl you kissed. Well, it was: A. Last girl you kissed...yeah, still A. First Girlfriend; A. Last Girlfriend A. Last time you made out...never.

So, it all pretty much boiled down to this inevitable fact: I've only had one girlfriend ever...and we broke up five years ago. Why is this? I'm not quite sure. It's not as if I haven't liked girls...'cause I have. The problem arises in my follow through. I like several girls, but I don't have the follow through ability. I've gotten to know them to the point that I think to myself...nah. Take the current options. Vanessa is cool, but uhm...no, just nothing there. Katie is cool, but...yeah, there are some problems with that one. And the rest? Well, they are all about the same level as Katie.

What is my problem? Why do I have such a hard time settling on a girl? I mean there are plenty of nice ones out there... I'd like to date around get to know a girl or two, get my heart broken a time or two. The problem? Well, now that I've come home from my mission I feel like my next girlfriend HAS to be my wife. She doesn't, and rationally I realize this, but something deep inside of me keeps telling me that my next girlfriend is going to be marriable material. Is that too high of a standard to keep? Am I even ready for marriage? The answer to both is a resounding...maybe. I would like to get out there and date some...but I feel as though society has forced me into a point where I can no longer just date for fun, but that I am forced to find the girl that I can live with for the rest of my life.

And at a fairly young age, I'm only 22. But...at the same time I'm forced to take on a role that I don't think I'm ready for. I don't know what I want in a girl, how can I? I mean...I've only ever had one girlfriend...Ahh shoot. Anyway, I'm just a little frustrated. I want to have some 'fun' relationships. But I just don't feel like that's possible anymore. And I'm quite sad about that innocence lost. I missed out on a wonderful time in High School/Freshman year when I could have gone out and dated all of these girls and not had to worry about what they thought, not had to worry about getting married and settling down, buying a minivan and having 2.5 kids and a dog. Not have to worry about supporting those kids through college and then seeing them get married and moving out and having grand kids and paying for the weddings and having them go on missions and serving faithfully.

Wow...random tangent. Anyway, I think life is good now, and I've gotten that off of my chest. But does anyone else feel this way? I hate it! oh...and if you're a girl, and you're cute, and you read this...I'm accepting dating applications...non-serious applicants only please.

-Asmond