Pain

You know how you think you're good at something and then you realize you aren't? Yeah, that's me.

Life has been pretty rough lately. I guess it's always rough but it's been particularly difficult for me lately. I like a girl that for various reasons... just won't work out. I talk to her often and every time I do I experience this gut wrenching pain... literally. I can't deal with this emotionally caused pain, I just don't have the strength/power to do it anymore. I told her that I liked her and that I needed to back away because I can't handle it anymore.

It's stupid, I feel stupid for doing it, it was a selfish act of desperation. As I think about it now I can't even imagine why she would want to be with me. I'm not good enough for her, I don't know if I'm good enough for anyone. The only good thing about this whole experience is that I realize now that I can still 'fall in love' like I did in High School. That part of me is alive again, I'm just remembering why I tried to make it go away. I haven't felt pain like this in 7 years.

To top this wonderful sundae off with a wonderful cherry, I just gave what is, I hope, one of the worst sunday school lessons of my life. I REALLY need to remember how to teach, I caught myself doing all of the things I hate sunday school teachers doing. I'm a miserable sort of man right now.

God have mercy on my soul.