Across the Country

Well, as some of you may know... and as most of you may not. I've moved. Across the country, to Georgia. I hate it.

For the longest time I've said that the only thing I feel these days is sadness and depression. But then I met... let's call her... Emily. Emily is a girl much like myself with all the issues and problems that arise from being like me. Emily moved to Spain, then I moved to Georgia. I thought I might love her... but now I realize that I don't, I'm fairly bad at showing the part of me that actually matters.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself...

I moved to Georgia because I felt it was the right thing to do, not because it was something that I wanted to do, or even really felt like doing. But because I NEEDED to do it. I think for the first time in a long time God managed to send me a message. I thought I had hit rock bottom... but I didn't. I think here I finally emotionally have. Rock bottom isn't full of depression, it isn't even full of anger. It's being alone. I've always felt alone, but now... now I am alone. I have come to realize how much I need other people.

I was asked what I'm doing... and the answer is exactly what the pause has indicated: nothing. I have become a void, dull.. listless. I even missed my To the Left by Th. I realize now... maybe just a little what outer darkness is all about, why being together with your family is so important. I know why people get up in the morning, why they move about and exist. It's for that hope, that chance, that maybe today... maybe today they'll find family. And if they've found it, they get up because... they've found it and you never want to lose that. You'll give up everything for that chance, that opportunity.

I miss everyone so much. I know what I want now... I've just got to find a way to remind myself of what it is that I want. Something that reminds me right when I wake up in the morning. To give me a reason to wake up.

-Me