Ruminations

Here I am, at a computer at 12:36 am on a Saturday wondering to myself why I keep doing it? Why do I keep banging my head against the wall, and with each ever so slight crack I renew my energy four-fold...but is it worth it?

There are soo many roads for me to pick, how do I know which is right for me? How do you fight against 12 years of experience? Which path do His steps take? There have been soo many travelers on these roads, it was so long ago that He walked them. Do I take the first step, do I dare to step into the dark to put that much faith in God that there will be some ground there for me to land on? I tried to walk away, it didn't work. What would be best for the other people involved? Where do I find the answers? I feel stupid, I just wrote an entire post trying to help someone else with their doubts, but there still lurks somewhere on the edge doubts just as large and strong.

But at the same time...there is no doubt in my mind I have faith now, something I don't think I've ever had before. I have faith and now I need to make the sacrifice. Can I give that much?